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You're going to need a support system if you are embarking on a serious weight-loss program. You're going to need true friends and family members around you that won't sabotage your success and will give you encouragement along the way. You need to do everything you can to avoid saboteurs. They will be out there and may pop up unexpectedly, so don't let them delay or derail you. I've outlined four critical things you should be aware of--especially if you plan to lose a significant amount of weight.
1. Don't Try To Change The People Around You
Changing your diet while living with someone who isn't watching his or her weight is like, well, it's like living with a smoker or a drinker (after you have quit your habit). There's no way around it. In some form or another, sooner or later you will be around whatever it is you are trying to avoid, and where food and social situations are concerned, it will be sooner rather than later.
You will learn quickly that people around you aren't going to change, nor should they. It is you who must adapt and learn to deal with everyday situations involving food.
2. The Fear Factor-Yours
As the weight came off and I neared my goal, I wrestled with thoughts like: Will I still seem like "Mom" or "Grandma" to my family? Will I feel self-conscious or awkward around friends? What will be different in a good way, and will there be anything that's different in a bad way?
I was relieved that my family and friends seemed delighted. Family members that had known me all my life and remembered me as a thinner person were likely disappointed when I originally gained the weight. For them, this weight loss was a long-awaited return to normalcy, and they took it in stride.
3. Grief and Loss Response
Most of my current friends had never seen me as a thin person, and from them, came the surprise. Overall, the responses were on the positive side, with a few who seemed uncomfortable and uncertain how to interact with me-as if I was a person they had just met, while others reacted or responded in a manner that could be compared to some of the well-known stages of grief and loss:
Denial-Example: "She/he'll stop this nonsense soon and life will get back to the way it used to be."
Anger-Example: "Things were just fine the way they were. Why is she doing this?"
Bargaining-Example: "If I ignore this, she won't keep it up."
Depression/confusion-Example: "I don't know where I fit in this person's life now," or "They probably won't want to hang around me anymore. I should probably just move on."
Acceptance-Example: "Maybe this isn't so bad, and maybe things will be okay. I can't fight it, I may as well accept it."
These stages can be applied to any form of catastrophic personal loss, like the loss of a job, or physically, the loss of a limb, or even the death of a loved one, or a divorce. Virtually any significant personal life change can trigger these reactions. Surprisingly, the change in circumstances does not always have to be a negative one. Getting that highly desirable job for example, and any number of changes in your life that, although positive, can upset familiar routines enough to cause a grief-like response. Losing a significant amount of weight absolutely falls into this category, and it can affect not only the people around you, but you too!
Case in point: For a few weeks, I experienced a sense of personal loss-not unlike an amputation. I lived with those extra pounds for many years and in a matter of months, they were gone. I was mourning the loss of 45 percent of my original body mass.
Some of my friends and family are mourning the loss of the shy person they loved who has been replaced, relatively suddenly, with someone who is happier, more confident, more outgoing and who looks completely different. It's been tough for me and for them, and sadly I fear one or two relationships won't survive.
4. Misplaced Resentment
I will tell you about a recent experience that illustrates my point: I went to have a professional photo taken not long ago. When I arrived, I was asked what I expected to get out of my session, so I told them about my weight loss and that I wanted an author photo for a book and also a full body "after" photo showing what I look like today.
During the shoot, the photographer, a woman who had expressed interest in losing weight when she first spoke to me, suggested I adjust my clothing which didn't seem to fit right. I tried, then made the comment, "I'm still replacing my wardrobe with new pieces." That's when she said to me, "I'm not feeling sorry for you." Her comment made me feel unwelcome and resented. I wasn't prepared for her reaction. I simply wasn't expecting it. Don't let misplaced resentment derail your mindset or shake your confidence.
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